“Eat the Damn Cake” (And Other People’s Opinions)

You know those quotes and phrases that are mildly irksome?

Maybe it’s the ubiquitous “Live, Laugh, Love” or the timeless “Dance like nobody’s watching.”

Admittedly, both are strong contenders; however, for me, it’s the relentless encouragement to “Eat the Damn Cake.”

You’re most likely to encounter it as an inspirational post on Instagram or within the “Top 10 lessons to live by,” where eating the damn cake is placed triumphantly in the number 10 spot as the ultimate act of rebellion.

The underlying assumption, of course, is that, as a woman, you’ve spent your entire life ensnared in the clutches of diet culture, denying yourself of life’s true pleasures. So, according to this logic, just eat the damn cake and live a little because, you know, YOLO!

I understand the sentiment; believe me, I do.

I acknowledge that there are likely plenty of people who could stand to enjoy themselves a bit more and say yes to a piece of cake now and then while they’re at it.

However, I’m not sure about you, but I’ve eaten plenty of cake in my life, even if I’ve passed on it at other times.

And many women I work with in my private practice don’t necessarily struggle with saying “yes” to the cake.

Instead, they aspire to be in a position where they can say “yes” or “no'” based on what that particular moment calls for, and that might include what’s most supportive of their longer-term goals.

That nuanced middle ground of being able to “take it or leave it” proves to be the most challenging. Because saying “no” all the time doesn’t feel very good, but neither does always saying “yes.”

Okay, we’re talking about cake here, but I hope you’ll read between the lines. It could be cookies for you, ice cream, wine, or something entirely different.

In fact, this isn’t really about food; it’s about other people’s opinions regarding what goes into your mouth (or what doesn’t).

When I encounter the phrase “Eat the damn cake,” I can’t help but reminisce about my corporate days when I worked in an office and then witnessed again years later when delivering onsite health and wellness programming to various company offices.

It was ALWAYS somebody’s birthday.

You likely know the routine if you’ve ever worked in an office. Gather around the boardroom or kitchen while someone distributes slices of cake (or, depending on the cake, a slab of icing).

Politely decline, and it’s as if you’ve committed the ultimate crime against joy itself – almost as if there’s an unwritten rule that if you’re saying “no” to cake, you must be on a diet. (And once that cat’s out of the bag, good luck escaping the judgmental looks and unsolicited advice. “You don’t need to lose weight, have some fun! YOLO.”)

Never mind the 1,037 other reasons you might decline cake, from allergies to managing blood sugar to being full from lunch to having a sensitive tummy to not liking cake (or at least preferring the variety with less icing).

In my experience, the best tactic is to keep explanations short unless you don’t mind others knowing your business. (Because the more you try to justify your position, the more you open up the conversation to debate.)

The “opinion of others” is certainly a hot topic in many of my client sessions.

There’s a collective pressure to have fun, fit in, and not disrupt the order of things.

To not to be perceived as “on a diet” or a “killjoy” or, heaven forbid, somebody who might be concerned with their body or weight.

Of course, these pressures aren’t limited to the workplace; they extend to all sorts of situations, particularly around the people we spend the most time with or know us best.

When you’re accustomed to sharing rituals and routines like ordering dessert every time you go out to dinner, Friday night movie treats, or sipping on a few glasses of wine while lingering over a meal together, being the one to “opt out” and go against the grain can feel uncomfortable at first, and even unsettling.

It can almost feel like you’re somehow letting the other person down.

What?! You’re going to make me eat dessert ALL alone??

And then maybe you “give in” because you don’t want to upset anyone. Maybe you do experience some momentary pleasure, but you still wake up the following day feeling a bit resentful and disappointed, NOT because you enjoyed some crème brûlée or a few glasses of wine, but because you didn’t really want to partake in the first place.

This might not be such a big deal if it happens occasionally, but it becomes a problem when we’re consistently letting ourselves down to appease others.

When our decisions prioritize the happiness of others at the cost of neglecting our own goals and desires, we chip away at our integrity – which can feel even worse.

Here’s the thing:

Happily eat whatever you want, but don’t let others dictate what, when, or how much.

Your choices are YOURS.

In other words…

Eat the damn cake, or don’t.

But do it on your terms, not somebody else’s.

Wishing you a lovely weekend,

~Elaine

And a quick P.S.!

Cake can definitely be on the menu if you’re on a journey to lose weight or live a healthier life.

Many of the women I work with still enjoy cake, ice cream, and many other yummy treats on the regular, but they learn to align their choices with their personal goals and desires, not the expectations of others.

If you’d like to be supported in permanently losing weight, cultivating the habits that allow you to feel your healthiest, and experiencing a better relationship with food and your body, let’s chat and see if my 1:1 coaching program is a good fit.

Apply for a Clarity Consult to get started here.